a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
