every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
