I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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