it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
