I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
