tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
