ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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