It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
