You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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