there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
