i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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