Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
