lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
