this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
