All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
