Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize