I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
