And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
