Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
