There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
