just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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