it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
