hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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