Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
