It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
