She is in my trunk
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
