Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
two words: eviction party
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
