i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
