This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Boobs are out for the taking
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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