Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
