You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
