Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
