Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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