I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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