he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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