I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
