youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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