So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize