My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
