conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
