9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Im part way to drunk.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
