I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
