what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
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A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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