There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
