Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
