I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
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Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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