so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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