Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
