i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
