remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
