Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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