Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
