I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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