i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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