Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
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I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
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You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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