I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
