i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
