i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
