Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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