You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
