I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
