the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
