We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
ugly people sure do ruin things
Come see our sink grown plant.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
