I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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