Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
