Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
