Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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