So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
