FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
