i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
