bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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