Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
