I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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