i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
